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La scène du jour est tirée du film Goodfellas (Les Affranchis) de Martin Scorsese. C’est le fameux passage où Joe Pesci fait semblant de s’énerver quand Ray Liotta lui dit qu’il est un « mec drôle » : ‘What do you mean I’m funny?’. Voilà l’extrait vidéo, et le texte (en anglais).
TOMMY DEVITO: What’s really funny is that fucking bank job away in Secaucus. I’m in the middle of the fuckin’ weeds lying down. He comes over and says “What are you doing?” I said “I’m resting”. “Here you’re resting? Go to the fuckin’ beach or the park!” I said “I’m rest… I know I’m resting. I’m resting…” They pull me in, they start giving me all kinds of questions, you know, this and that. He says “What are you going to tell us, tough guy?” “My usual. Zero. Nothing. Why tell you? The fuck.” He says, “No, you gonna tell me something today, tough guy.” I said “Alright. I’ll tell something: go fuck your mother.”
(They all laugh loudly)
Bing, pow, boom, bing. You saw the paper, Anthony, my head was up like this, the prick. So now I’m coming around you know. I start to come out of it. Who do I see in front of me? This big prick again. He says « What do you wanna tell me now, tough guy? » I said « Man! What are you doing here? I thought I told you to go fuck your mum. »
(They burst into laughter)
I thought he was gonna shit. Pow! Bing! Boom! The fuckers. Man, I wish I was big just once. Big cops…
HENRY HILL: Really funny. You’re really funny.
TOMMY DEVITO: What do you mean I’m funny?
HENRY HILL: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.
TOMMY DEVITO: What do you mean, the way I talk? What?
HENRY HILL: It’s just… you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
(It becomes quiet)
TOMMY DEVITO: Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?
ANTHONY STABILE: Tommy, you got it all wrong.
TOMMY DEVITO: Oh, oh, Anthony. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did you say? Funny how?
HENRY HILL: Jus…
TOMMY DEVITO: What?
HENRY HILL: Just… you know… you’re funny.
TOMMY DEVITO: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
HENRY HILL: I dunno, just… you know, how you tell the story, what?
TOMMY DEVITO: No, no, I don’t know, you said. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!
HENRY HILL: (long pause) Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!
TOMMY DEVITO: (everyone laughs) You motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. You stuttering prick! Frankie, was he shaking? Ah ah ah! I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.
Martin Scorsese, Goodfellas (1990). Voir notre liste complète de textes et de scènes de théâtre (pour une audition ou pour l’amour du travail)